“Vanderpump Guidelines” is again, type of … however it sucks now!
I will again up. “Vanderpump Guidelines” began its life as a spin-off of “The Actual Housewives of Beverly Hills,” largely attributable to two issues. One, housewife Lisa Vanderpump occurred to personal a couple of restaurant hotspots in West Hollywood the place all the younger, stunning workers have been always preventing, sleeping collectively, and preventing about who was sleeping collectively. Two, a type of workers — Scheana Shay — had an affair with the husband of considered one of Vanderpump’s fellow housewives (particularly, Brandi Glanville’s always dishonest husband, Eddie Cibrian). As soon as producers like Alex Baskin found out that Vanderpump’s restaurant SUR Restaurant and Lounge — the total Christian identify of which is Horny Distinctive Restaurant Restaurant and Lounge — was a hotbed of drama, they picked up cameras. The remaining is historical past.
This is the issue: after 9 seasons, the messy unique forged of “Vanderpump Guidelines” began rising up. A bunch of them have children. All of them mainly stopped working on the horny and distinctive restaurant. This was good for them, however horrible for folks like me who love drama and mess. Then, famous fool and unique “Vanderpump Guidelines” forged member Tom Sandoval cheated on his girlfriend of 9 years, Ariana Madix, with their shut pal Rachel Leviss, and the scandal often known as “Scandoval” introduced this near-dead present again to life!
This is one other drawback, although: because of Scandoval, everyone within the unique forged selected sides, and no one of word sided with Sandoval. Add this to Madix’s comprehensible aversion to filming together with her ex, and the present’s eleventh season completely flatlined. Bravo’s response wasn’t to cancel the present, however to recast it with completely new “SUR-vers.” This sucks, and here is why.
The unique Vanderpump Guidelines was lightning in a bottle from the start
When you’ve by no means watched “Vanderpump Guidelines,” I’m jealous of you. This can be a present I genuinely and passionately want I might erase from my mind, “Everlasting Sunshine of the Spotless Thoughts” type, and watch in its entirety for the very first time. A part of it is because, not like the long-running “Housewives” franchise, there’s an natural nature to “Vanderpump Guidelines” that proves irresistible — all the folks working at SUR have been already courting and buddies, so the cameras walked into actuality TV gold after they began filming their dynamic.
Proper off the bat, SUR newcomer Scheana Shay is met with abject cruelty and admittedly insane prejudice from the restaurant’s younger queen bee Stassi Schroeder, a girl who unironically tells her deeply evil boyfriend Jax Taylor “I’m the satan, and do not you overlook it” within the present’s very first episode. Katie Maloney and Kristen Doute flank Stassi, the previous being a girl always dragged down by her dopey boyfriend, Tom Schwartz. The latter begins the present courting the aforementioned Tom Sandoval and spends the remainder of her time on the sequence, absolutely shedding her grip on actuality. Additionally, Lisa Vanderpump is there to yell at everybody for a way gross they’re being at any given second.
That is all unimaginable to observe. I can’t stress that sufficient. Earlier than the present began shedding power in season 9, “Vanderpump Guidelines” proved itself as one of the vital action-packed and scrumptious actuality TV reveals in historical past, from Doute’s notorious inexperienced gown to DJ James Kennedy screaming “It isn’t concerning the pasta!” outdoors of an L.A. eatery at Lala Kent. No one can ever prime these folks, and the brand new forged members positively aren’t as much as the duty.
A brand new forged will not save Vanderpump Guidelines; in actual fact, it would kill it
Not solely are the brand new servers at SUR completely too self-aware about being on a present, however they’re pale imitations of the unique forged members at their finest (Natalie Maguire, for instance, is a Scheana Shay knock-off, full with ill-advised pop star desires). Different very important archetypes are merely lacking. There isn’t any Jax Taylor right here, which is each a curse and a blessing; his antics on the “Vanderpump Guidelines” spin-off, “The Valley,” have been so overtly abusive that he obtained kicked off that present, however additionally, a brand new model of “Vanderpump Guidelines” type of wants its token sociopath. Even when the brand new forged members enterprise into the again alley behind SUR — an exquisite place that is been host to many, many wonderful screaming fights and may frankly turn out to be a UNESCO World Heritage web site — it is boring.
These new forged members are messy and weird, however they’re additionally wholly uninteresting. Half the drama within the new “pilot” of kinds is about some man in his 50s named Paulo, and he would not even seem on-screen. When Jax toyed with the feelings of a number of ladies, he no less than had the decency to point out his face. It appears like producers are manufacturing dramas, and whereas that is not precisely new in the case of actuality TV, one of the best reveals on this style really feel utterly pure, and that is exactly why the unique “Vanderpump Guidelines” was so particular. No one on this new present would have the questionable wherewithal to inform their supervisor to “suck a d***” whereas chainsmoking, as Kristen Doute as soon as infamously did. Sorry, Bravo; you possibly can’t put lightning again within the bottle. The brand new “Vanderpump Guidelines” is DOA.
“Vanderpump Guidelines” airs on Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Bravo and is offered to stream on Peacock the subsequent day.
